Autism Sucks!

My heart is breaking for my son. We spent 6 months, going to 4-5 different outdoors stores (some of them two or three times) and even The Good Feet Store trying to find hiking boots that were comfortable. He’s had his boots less than a month and for whatever reason (his feet grew, his socks aren’t in the right place, who knows) they aren’t comfortable – they don’t fit – and he’s having a melt down.

I hate that trying to do something he enjoys – hiking, backpacking, a scouting event – causes so much distress.

I hate that the mere thought of getting his things together for a trip is so overwhelming that even breaking it down into smaller chunks over several days is too much for him.

I hate that when he finally has everything together and it doesn’t go in his bag right, it’s cause for another melt down.

I hate that some people don’t understand and won’t try to understand.

I hate that I don’t know how to help him.

I know that autism is a part of who he is. I know it is why his brain thinks differently than others and why he is so good at solving puzzles or engineering types of things.

But I hate this part of it. The part that is painful for him. The part that keeps him from enjoying activities that he loves.

So he left for his trip – coming off a full blown melt down – in an uproar.

I sit here, wondering if he’s adjust to the boots. Wondering if the fun of the scouting event will overcome the discomfort. Or – did he get there and find the rain and mud even more unbearable.

I sit here – afraid to text my husband to see if he’s calmed down. Waiting for the phone call or text that I need to come get him. But hoping that he’s settled down and will enjoy the event. And praying – always praying…


5 thoughts on “Autism Sucks!

  1. Isn't She Crafty May 1, 2017 / 10:24 am

    The pain of seeing a meltdown is awful, but in the long run it won’t be the memories either of you keeps

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gerri Baker May 1, 2017 / 10:30 am

      Thank you for that reminder! One of my inspiring quotes I keep posted is ‘We do not remember days, we remember moments’ by Cesare Pavese – that’s what I try to focus on is that we will remember the good moments, not the rough days!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Isn't She Crafty May 1, 2017 / 11:14 am

        I love that quote. My favourite, but I can’t remember (or find) who by is : ‘to treat me equally, sometimes you have to treat me differently’ – I spend so much time fighting for my brother’s and my patients’ rights


  2. Gerri Baker May 1, 2017 / 11:34 am

    That’s a good one to remember also! Good luck to you as you continue championing those you love!


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