I’m in an unexpected season of life. If you’ve read previous posts, you know that I left a civil service job in January 2017. This was a very releasing move – my job was quite negative and while I loved the people I worked with, I didn’t feel that I was helping anyone. This decision was preceded by a lot of prayer. I felt that I was led to leave my job, but didn’t want my desires to leave to overshadow what I should really be doing – so I prayed more… and more… and more. Even after my last day of work, things happened that reinforced my decision to leave – so I prayed more (in thanksgiving!).
I had some business ideas to make up the difference in my income. Unfortunately, here I am 10 months later and those ideas didn’t come to fruition. So I’ve started questioning my decision. After talking to a couple of friends and my Pastor, I still feel I made the right decision in leaving that job, but I’m confused about what I should be doing now. I’ve applied for jobs, but have only gotten one interview – I’m intelligent, friendly, but as an auditor, I didn’t specialize in anything – I worked in a lot of different areas (that’s one of the few things I enjoyed about the job – it was always something new!)
My Pastor suggested, that maybe this is a time of waiting. WHAT?? A time to wait & rest for the next thing that God has planned for me. WHAT?? Yes, we’ve all had to wait for things (the arrival of a child, an appointment, etc.) – but I’ve never had to wait to find out what I’m supposed to do with my life?! I don’t know HOW to wait! I’m a doer – I make a plan – and I do… something. How do I just sit and wait? How does that help me find the job that I know God has for me?
I spent the next couple of days a bit confused. That one interview I had been called for was the very next day. It was a job where I’d be helping people with shopping (Home Depot Call Center), there was room to advance to a management position, the people seemed very nice – it sounded promising. But then I saw the schedule – and actually started crying – right there in front of the manager who was offering me a job (talk about embarrassing!). I would miss Thanksgiving with my family. I would miss weekends with my family. I just couldn’t do it (at least not before talking to them).
That night I turned to Google. How do you wait on the Lord? I found an article at GotQuestions.org that I found quite helpful. What I found was that waiting on the Lord involves a confident expectation and hope that God will not leave us hanging. He will provide the way – I just have to … you guessed it … wait for His perfect timing. I definitely had that expectation – but my confidence was a little shaken. I still had my hope in Him.
This article referenced the Psalm 23 – did you know that sheep don’t like to rest near rushing water. When He leads me by still waters – it is to bring me rest. Even though my life is a bit turbulent right now, I know that I can find rest in Him. He is my still waters. Another verse I came across in my search was Psalm 27:14, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (NIV). This is the one that really spoke to me. I decided to create something to remind me of these verses.
This picture (from a summer backpacking trip in the Uintas) can be representative of life (at least mine, right now). There’s a mountain I need to climb – but it’s in the background – waiting for the Lord’s plan. In the foreground is the still water where He’s leading me to rest (before tackling the mountain, perhaps). It reminds me to wait for Him – maybe He’s creating a different path over that mountain than what I expected.
In the mean time, there are things I can do – self care, family care, and enjoying life – even with the struggles and detours, because I DO have that confident expectation that God WILL guide my steps – ‘Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”’ Isaiah 30:21 (NIV).
Thanks for letting me ramble a bit today!